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lyrics

My body’s eating itself
I smell blood when I run
Truly, you have been so warm and gracious with your love
The frailty of the muscles in my head drowns any floundering reciprocation out
Out of my grasp
The caverns of my nostrils
Stringy with depletion
Flood with blood cells dizzy red
How can I repay this debt?
Devaluing and debasement would stroke me with loose familiarity
And even comfort at that
Your tenderness makes me ill with self hatred
And your honesty wrings my neck
Your gentleness smothers me with acrid horror again
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
My psyche’s feeding itself
Far too sharp to feel numb
And my catharsis is placated vicariously through representation
The frenzy of the value in my skin pleads for a handler to knead the sickness in
Into my hands
Into my hands
Your neurosis violates me
Flattens and stretches me
Your nihilism opens up my throat
Your futility forces down the apathy you stroked
I’m not a dumping ground for noxious waste with which you appeal and affront and appease and plead me softly to digest
And you should know
Your tenderness makes me ill with self hatred
And your honesty wrings my neck
Your gentleness smothers me with acrid horror again
And again
And again
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
How can I repay this debt?
Rock me into pacification
I could use a minute to close my eyes
My system calling "Get Down From There"
The difference between a broken limb and death
I’m barren and I’m unqualified
Quietly marinating in my giddy malice alone
A specific prescription of violence reserved for me
Sorry if I’m coming off as deranged
You mean the world to me
You told me you understand what giddy malice means
More than anyone ever could
I believe you.
Do you understand my ravenous self-destruction
Do you cherish my floundering vulnerability
To me these tenants of sickness are enrapturing
In a platonic realm unfamiliar to consequence
I would resist, and resist, and resist, as I do
And fold into your hands of disease
Your tenderness makes me ill with self hatred
And your honesty wrings my neck
Your gentleness smothers me with acrid horror again
And again

credits

from Guilt Is My Hill of Penance, released November 22, 2022

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Stella de Ville Los Angeles, California

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