1. |
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|
Push it out of your brain
You gotta push it out of your brain
You gotta keep it out of your brain
I sit complacent
While my arms hang down
I’m waiting for you to come and kidnap me
Slide into cars
Your body folded round my waist
Push out of your brain that I’m sixteen
|
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2. |
You’re So Sick for That
04:12
|
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|
I’m on the right side of history
Smile when you pull up you missed me
Nabokov in hand, you’re so sick for that
Fingers on my thigh, I inhale and sit back
My location becomes a mystery
I’m on the left side of your street
Trudging up to your home, so unseen
When you hold my hand, you’re so sick for that
Sweat mingling with mine, we push on to get back
Making it to your door compels me
And once we’re inside, what now?
You say you don’t kiss
But you kiss me anyhow
And when I look in your eyes
I see nothing human
I see nothing but fear, so feral, so sick
I can only exhale what I breathe
Put me up to your mouth and you’ll see
|
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3. |
Honey Bunny
03:14
|
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|
I’m honey bunny
A fucking idiot
Living in your trailer
The misery’s real
Nobody told me shit was real
And now I’m hung up on some dick who treats me like it’s impossible for girls to feel pain
He taught me to steal
To harvest honey for his hungry feasting
And now I’m sitting here, behind bars rotting, like it’s impossible for fur to get stained
In my dream we made it happen
Your hands, strong around my throat
How did your fingers grip so hard?
How did your temper grow so strong?
I’m locked in a loop in my mind
Dreaming about you always aches because I wake up
And if our communication’s fake, my god, it feels real enough
I’m not a nymphette, I’m human, though you love the way I breathe
While breaking a sweat
It’s humid while I shuffle to P.E.
If you wanted me for my innocence, I’ve still got innocence to take
And if you wanted my virginity, virginity I would reclaim
I swear, so much of me’s still so unsoiled
I’ve got acres left to spoil
I’m lost in a loop in my mind
In my lover’s domain, dreaming of you
Desperation aches too deep to feel true
So much of me’s still so unsoiled
I’ve got acres left to spoil
When I stumble, I fall to you
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4. |
Perversion
03:11
|
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|
Feast for mother, feast for my body and let my organs pray
I’m gonna feast, motherfucker,
Gonna feast till I suck up all the innocence and pain
Let me skirt all monetary responsibility and
Spend all my precious effort choking out my nutrients
I’m using all my energy just to hide from my body
I’ll never let my form take control
I peel my skin off in the places where I know I’ve been naughty
And when I excrete, it all must go
My flesh is raw where I want it to be
Self desecration, like religion, brings me solace and peace
Empty resistance
You keep me refrigerated from sixteen backwards
In July, my body calls the flies, I’m living on
Against my will in your arms
And it’s not what you think it is, it’s worse, much worse
Cuz it was only perversion, it was only perversion
All the magic you hold, it’s all only perversion
My defenses disarmed
When I’m asleep in your arms
All the safety you sold,
It was only perversion
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5. |
God Is Testing Me
06:47
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|
God is testing me
God is testing me
I’m hiding riddles for you in divine intervention
Surprisingly to everybody but me,
You were in my dream again last night,
The torment of each artery buried inside you, my surreality.
Moving my body in spastic, jagged ruptures upon your invisible hips,
Clinging fruitlessly to the headboard of my bed.
God is testing me
Playing out a moment where I am weak and aching
For your fingers on me
If I move with malice it’s a betrayal to myself
And everyone I know
I’m choking on the smell, I revel and roll in my perversion
You know
God is testing me
I’m wanting for nothing but your sack of bones underneath me, and everything but
I feel alone
The notion of our bodies occupying the same space - a horror and worship beyond comprehension.
Acts of obsession.
If You’re Reading This, You’re Inside Of Me.
Oh, God is testing me
Fucking with my head for no other purpose but to
Dangle something I need
In front of my mouth and ask me to close it
Just this one, becomes twice or more
I’m tripping on your Black Flag resonance, I want more
Oh God, god is testing me
I hope you understand that if I can’t have you
I’ll just fuck all your friends
And turn them on you too
My willpower’s depleting faster than I know
And when you plague my dreams, I wake up and I roll into your arms
But you’re not here
Your body’s a phantom, when I blink, instead of black
Your face is there
Infinite torment
We could agree I’d lose my life
Deep inside a saw trap, we both know I’d die
I have too much fear to sacrifice my life
Death would merely be the function of apathy and pride
But I’d make the deepest sacrifices to my own well-being for you
I’d make the deepest cuts and pull the greatest funds for you
For you
All for you
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6. |
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|
I’m shaking all the time
Listening to Elliot Smith
Thinking of the rape that plagues my memory when we kiss
And I could say it’s fine,
Brush it off and try to dismiss
All the sour vileness in my throat
When the abyss
Opens of its own accord
Betrayed by my body
You say I was born a whore
So you’re not even sorry
God, I pray that I can close all the openings
Patch up every hole so no one gets inside me
Smooth like a rogue doll
No entrances to be disarmed
If you run up on me vulnerable, it won’t be my fault
I’ve got nothing left to plunder now, and no real alarms
Cause you were self harm to me
I let it happen so I’m not a victim and I’m not a person
I’m a machine
No boundaries to violate, no minor to date rape, no mountains or rivers or valleys to see
Nobody to liberate, no routes to make your escape
Past the victims’ unit
The police department
The stoney spires of my high school
The cloudy streets of south central
Though the street, stone garden
By the Spanish market
Into my arms
One day, when I’m older, I will understand why you had to go
For now I’m left torn with no stitching
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7. |
Love Zombie
03:20
|
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|
I was in a frenzy before I left here
That’s why it looks like shit
I live with one person
Won’t be back for hours
So I invite you in
It’s only the funniest thing in the world to me
I’d sneer but you harbor no sense of irony
I know my perversion well enough to realize
I go for novelty
Your aloof abuses clutch me in a cycle
Flames tended to by me
I’ll smile and I’ll roleplay years younger than I am
I’ll swallow if it buys me time to hold your hand
I can’t decide which version of you I’m most attracted to
I can’t put a finger on which fabricated reality best serves my emotional masochism
Do you think about me at work?
Does Elvis understand the depths of your sickness?
People confide in you, women really trust you
They’d leave you with their kids
And you’re not a deviant, at least when it matters
I’m just an exception
We engage
I know I’m so mature for my age
I’m learning
Do you have the time to be my sage?
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8. |
My Head, Your Fridge
02:32
|
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|
I forgot you said
You wanted to stock your fridge with my head
That brought me tenderness beyond my deepest dreams
I should heal instead of fucking my growth with pleasurable dread
But it’s impossible when you’re stitched into me
If you catch me lurking on the outside
I’ll be publicly flagellating inside
If you spot me sneaking into sight
I’ll writhe but quiet cuz I’m like no other
I’ll be silent hoping that you’ll see me
I’ll run and slow enough that you can come and reach me
My defenses open to the night
My predator is my favorite lover
I have to be honest with you
I’ve missed you so much
I forgot my skin was split by a force, not just from within
My tender intimacy throbbing while I bleed
And adrenaline is better than substance, pleasure is sin
While we both mutilate, pushed by a visceral need
If you watch me loiter on the outside
I’ll be hating and berating on the inside
If you see me playing with my hands
I’m weak and frightened, just how you want me
Intelligent enough to shun you when you walk by
And dumb enough to take the bait, or just that ready to die
My predator is my favorite lover
I just cry any time my heart wants to feel
Get back in the fridge!
I swear to god I’m fucking telling you!
Get your head right back in there where it belongs!
You know that I could die in your guts
It’s all so unreal
Okay, how much do you think I could realistically stab you without doing irreversible damage?
Listen, baby, you’re beautiful but you don’t look like someone I’d respect
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9. |
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|
A beautiful lover of Adonai gave me ivermectin for my parasites and now
I watch my words out of my space
The unabomber revisits my mind’s eye
And he’s never reckless but he’s sparse and shy
We draw him out
Intention regardless
I was having constant diarrhea
And throwing up
Meditation’s angels met and said she needs us
It was my luck
I call on higher self, mother goddess, and goddesses of the moon
Dance with me
Disciples dance with me
In my palace of death and divinity
Hey
What’s going on?
Under over world whelming tries clawing you below
Desperate to soil you but little do they know
I already died
Let me live my life
Fucking up my insides, bacterias that crawl
Thought it was familiar millions but
All your toxic forces pushed infection in
They call me bacteria girl
My clitorus is like a pearl
Open it up and you’ll get stuck in my messy ooey gooey gunk
Don’t be scared
My baby boy
It’s not that bad
But come too close
You might get sick
They come and go all screaming ick
I’ve got your phalanges
Gripped up in my palms
Sickly sticky fingers for my stomach feasting on
So come and dance with me
In my temple of death and divinity
In my temple of death and divinity
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10. |
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|
If I’d brushed with your love today
It’s just instinctive that she’d trigger the comparison game
Although we’re yards apart and I’m weak in age
We’re both commodities who flounder in the marketplace
Of your lips and your mouth
And your eyes
There’s no doubt
We’d play nice
At your house
I’m here to serve you
If she’d known up cause you were late
It’s just inevitable she’d size me up from eyes to legs
And if some recognition inside her swayed
I’d introduce myself and revel in her with a gaze
Built by fear
And by lust
And vicarious trust
Like a meal
A carcass
You know that I’m here to serve you
I’m equipped with a wide array of movie references and politics beyond my age
And if she sat me down and she talked to gauge
I’d summon everything inside me so she’d look my way
It’s one night
Or it’s not
You don’t know
You brush off
The future and the consequences
I’m here to serve you
My fingers an extension of my eyes
My stomach an extension of my mouth
My language an extension of my lust
In public we brush fingers and duck doubt
And we go long, slow and deep
Drown in your light
Swell and I steep
It’s only you, her, and me
Locked in our globe
All we can see
I like to imagine you two making love in that cabin, stretched within each other’s crevices and claws
Almost stationary, bodies warm and radiating swells of light and lust
Corporeal embrace
Merchants and canaries of your own coal mine enterprise.
|
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11. |
In Search of My Rose
04:36
|
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|
I found you crying outside on the wall of Devil's Well
A hangman's knot around your feet
And praying for the spell
To be shattered
May I be the one to rip the shackles clean away
And lead you to a place
Where loneliness is tackled with a kiss?
A kiss that has no ropes, no strings
No obligations
I don't owe you, be quite sure
You don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations-
I don't own you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations
I don't owe you, don't owe me
No strings, no ropes, no obligations
I don't owe you, don't owe me
|
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12. |
Emotional Ache
05:22
|
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13. |
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|
True crime
Suspiria
I know what you want
After we depart I sprawl under the stars
And let my body sob the way it needs
Grass grazes my back while suicide graces my ears
And I surrender to you as my shoulders heave
I surrender to you
Everything you plant inside my head is what we do
You surrender to me
When our fingers touch, departure stings, but sets me free
I’m at the Parsonage
Saving my soul for sacred rites
No disillusionment
Only the trances I ignite
Night falls and we invoke the deities
While god anoints me
Mutual devotion
Divine divinity x infinity
Divine divinity x infinity
Divine divinity x infinity
Divine divinity x infinity
Divine divinity x infinity
Divine divinity x infinity
Saving my soul for sacred rites
No disillusionment
Only the trances I ignite
The casting all rolls in
Truth and deceit, we blur the lines
Marjorie Cameron
Divinity personified
Down on your hands and your knees in the desert
That’s how you crawl for me
My boots a prize in the valley of effort
You do it all for me
Vomit encrusted and trembling for purchase
Not even halfway there
Devotion fuels all the terrors that surface
All I can do is stare
Why, they’re fucking our minds
Sheep line for the prize
I’ve been frequenting the big houses
It’s not where I’m supposed to be
Casing paths and layers and routes
So are you coming with me?
The belladonna of ripping ascension
Boils on the countertop
Naivety and a hunger for purpose
Pulls Tex’s teeth in taut
It’s a mistake with no record or freedom
Submerged for hours or years
The county jail is a haven for pretense
Grinning with lust and fear
Why, they’re spooning us lies
Silver deep into our minds
I’ve been frequenting the big houses
It’s not where I’m supposed to be
Casing paths and layers and routes
So are you coming with me?
|
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14. |
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|
It's cold inside your moon
Embraced by borderline
And when my body aches for more
Your soreness cuts our time
You’re taxed by the commune
The labor peels you dry
Departure is inevitable
The question’s how, not why
And you’re more than allowed to mourn your sin
While sitting beside me
A whore, housewife, and friend
And everything else
You project inside me
Everybody knows I’m changing
Everybody being my heart, ribs, and pussy
Now my body’s rearranging
Muscle melts back into sacred virginity
You’re more than afraid to lose the devotion rooted inside me
I’m yours, not to defile, to coax and to groom, to placate and appease
It’s irreversible
The action and the crime
Locked in a moving vehicle’s your rawest honest time
The grass we pass is dull
The kindling is dry
The sun pours over skin and pulls our sweat into our eyes
And you’re more than allowed to wallow in shame
While cradling my body
A sponge dripping with lust, I’ll never defame you
Unless I see clearly
And you’re more than allowed to mourn your sin
Baby, it’s alright
You’re more than allowed to mourn your sin
It’s alright
It’s alright
|
||||
15. |
Truth Angel
05:00
|
|||
|
I know everything
There are no secrets from here on out
Your horror’s threaded with relief that you’re free
From the wreckage of me
Closing down and shuddering blood from skin
Truth angel, tell me
Am I gonna die?
Please level with me
Is tonight my night?
If I could hold me in my palm I’d only ask for sympathy
From me
I’d pray to comprehend the damage to my baby bones and cherish youth
And treasure sanctity
I’m in kindergarten when you touch me
I want my mom when you look in my eyes
And you swear I’m safe, you say you love me
But I feel dirty, you make me feel vile
The world has been so strange to me ever since my loved ones died
I clutch my fear internally, repress, reject and hide
And hold me like an infant
I don’t wanna be away from it
Can you drive me home?
And hold me like an infant
If I stay I’ll rupture truth again
But I don’t wanna be alone
Truth angel, tell me
Am I gonna die?
Please level with me
Is tonight my night?
|
||||
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